A while back, I was in the process of manically cleaning before a visit from family. I was holding a lot of anxiety and channeled it by mindlessly moving my body. My kids were on the living room floor playing together, as they had been for the last hour. From my spot across the room in the kitchen I heard, “You know, it doesn’t have to be perfect, mom.”
My daughter stopped me dead in my tracks. I had no idea they even noticed me cleaning, but she reminded me that children are always watching, listening, and mirroring.
And I never want to set an example of attempted perfection for my kids. It is an unachievable goal and one that only leads to self criticism, doubt, suppression, and depression.
And one I’ve been operating from my whole life.
“If it can’t be 110%, don’t do it at all.” Isolating that belief pattern is something that evaded me for most of my life. I would never ask perfection from anyone else, so why do I ask that of myself?
The need for perfection has caused me to hold back, to become stagnant, and to silence myself. Not from fear of judgment, but fear that what I have to offer would not be up to my own impossible standards for myself. It cannot just be “good enough”.
There is a rabbit hole that can be dived into regarding where these habitual thought patterns, beliefs, and expectations originated from (hello trauma response), and that is something I have done and continue to do. But its not just about diving into the reasons “why”. That’s only half of the healing process.
The other half is ➡️ changed response.
When I am presented with an opportunity to offer something of myself, my pattern kicks in: “it won’t be good enough, it won’t include everything it needs, I won’t ever be able to get it where it needs to be, no one will want this”.
It’s in the act of stopping the pattern 🛑 and choosing to respond differently, that true change and release can occur.
But damn, isn’t that hard?! 🤪 It’s an act of practice and patience, and one that is completely LIFE CHANGING.
My reminder from this is:
Offer what you have, while you have it, and let it evolve from there.
This is why we have “first drafts”. Because we know even the best of things can be improved when we’ve become wiser, more experienced, and practiced creation as creation wants to move.
It’s all a process!
And it’s actually all ABOUT the process!
If we allow it to, that process will mold us into more aligned, more peaceful, and more intentional beings ✨